Book Review: Ian Watson's Space Marine

After 14 games, some animated series, and countless wikis, I took my first plunge into the book version of Warhammer content, starting with Ian Watson's Space Marine.

Would I recommend it? Well, that depends... how do you like your analogies?

Say you wanted to convey magnetic boots clamping against a metallic hull---how might you write that? If you thought something like, "Lexandro's boots clamped him inflexibly to the plasteel surface like two puppies clinging to their bitch mother's teats," then Space Marine is the book for you.

Now imagine you need to describe someone shouting in a cave so that their voice echoes. Think for a moment how you might construct that image. Would you say that their voice was "like some echolalaic Psittacus bird"? That's a genus of African grey parrot from the Congo, by the way. Apparently space marines learn about that in their training.

How bout some imagery for the sensation someone feels when trying to fire a really hot cannon? What sort of adjectives and metaphors would you go for? How bout "It was as though his hand and his whole arm were plunged deep within the hot tight birth-canal of some angry animal to manipulate the contents of a packed, pulsing womb." No? These descriptions rip you out of the scene and make you question what you're doing with your life?

Well, don't give up on it so quickly, because if you're into butt stuff you've stumbled upon the holy grail. I won't spoil any of it for you, but rest assured there's enough farting, shitting, eating shit, eating blood and shitting it into pellets on the floor, eating diarrhea sauce, and butt sex analogies to satisfy your deep, gaping need.

And sure, maybe the really cool stuff about the surgical implantation of additional organs that mutate the human body into a hulking super soldier is only given snippets of description, but don't worry, you WILL be informed of the various mineral compositions of every visible surface and material in detail. Did you know ormulu is a gold-colored alloy of copper and zinc?

And have you ever thought, "Man, space marines are cool and all, but where's the drama? Why can't they be more like catty high school mean girls?"

Well, if any of the above got you excited, then yes, I do recommend Ian Watson's Space Marine.

I now need to choose the next Warhammer book to continue my education, but after this one I'm sort of scared. Suggestions?